Challenge: The Lost Art of Letter Writing; Write a letter

Huma Kaoga Kaseu

On Friendship (The Lost Art of Letter Writing)
Dear Catherine Ngusye Nzissi,
You wrote, “The power of friendship is beyond measure….” a fact that I don’t dispute. The transcending nature of friendship only exists when occasioned in its most pure form which often is not the case. Yet i don’t find fault in friendship as it were nor does the note here referred seek to paint true friendship in bad light. My address is the relationships that ensue in the guise of friendship which is always nothing more than convenient acquaintance. That’s why he asks, “what good are these friends, when I’m just as alone. What is the point to these friendships, if i don’t feel any different? Or may be sadder still sometimes. Watching them dwindle as they do.”
Then you wrote, “If one feels like an island in the midst of Gold and Silver…” This I also find holding truth. No man can exist alone because as you might already know we are social animals. However the notion that a man cannot exist without friends is a fallacy for that is the case all of the time everywhere in the world. people maintain relationship as long as there is something they are gaining from it…and as soon as the juice of their indulgence runs dry or curtains fall on the event occasioning their consociation; do the warm smile turn into cold sneers, do the praises turn into vile gossips, do hope shared turn into envy n fatal jealousy… he writes, “….and memory tells you stories, but they only make you want to cry. Memory presents its evidence, but it’s a mistrial.”
To dress the eminent divide they say “WE JUST GREW APART.”
I’m therefore informed for those reasons to say, – WE CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT OTHER PEOPLE BUT WE CAN, AND DO EXIST WITHOUT FRIENDS (in the righteous meaning of the word).
You summed up by saying,” Negro, you got it bad.” which view I also share and agree with and that’s why in the note he wrote “I’d say goodbye if i thought that i could actually go through with it. but i know my own weaknesses.” which weakness is; I assume all persons friends before they prove convenient acquaintance and are erased from my purpose or I’m erased from their purpose by time. YES, I GOT IT BAD and so has everyone else. Difference is that I noticed and now I’m aware of it, which knowledge makes him write in the note,” it feels like life is something beyond your grasp.”
In conclusion he writes, “Maybe it’s just tonight, but anyone who knows me knows it’s not. Maybe it’s just a mountain I’m climbing to find the top. but anyone who knows me knows what I’d do then.” my appreciation to every single soul that has dared tangle with mine and to the very extent all that i have met and is yet to meet in my life’s journey…
Your Friend,
Huma Kaseu.

Edwin Thedivinebandit Mukabi


Dear son,

I really do hope you are fine. As you continue to make our family name shine, I am glad to call you mine. You know we worked real hard to get you into the best college. Ever since you were a kid throwing your tantrums in rage. Now you have the potential to grow into a sage. They say youth is lost on the young. But I know this will not be the case as you have never been uncouth and one day your name will be sung. Our country’s hopes of coming out of the murk continue to diminish. That you be a pioneer of great leadership is my only wish. I know it is much to ask, but soon I will leave this earth. All I want is for the ashes to finally leave the hearth. Rise up like a newly born phoenix. Spring gracefully and stealthily like an adapted lynx. I see your mother drive in. She still works hard and that’s our win. But age is catching up with us. It’s your time, my boy, to quieten the fuss. Shadows cover our majestic country now and down goes the sun. Get the right friends and with them light up the intellect of this country, my son. We will always love you and glad to have you.

Your father,
In rhyme and lyric
Edwin “TDB” Mukabi

 

Amos ‘kelele Kelele’ Tabalia

Dear Dad
I hope you are fine and doing great. I am happy and doing fine. Class work is proving very easy this term. From the look of things, I am sure that this term I will take the first position. This time round, I am so sure of myself unlike last term when I promised the same but due to unavoidable circumstances, I ended up in position 144. I seriously do not understand what happened but I think the class teacher made an error somewhere and interchange my position with the stupid person who was declared number one. Anyway, let us forget that. I know my place is around position 1 or 2. Even the History teacher told me so. They say I am very bright.
However, in my concerted efforts to make number one, there are various things that you are obliged to do. The first one among the many is a certain physics book by a certain American called Abbot. This book has made wonders in the world. It is like knowledge itself. Buying the book will not only show how committed you are in your dream of us becoming number one, but also allow you to share in the greatest piece of knowledge artifact in the world. The book is made in such away that you do not need to read it, but sleep on it. Knowledge assimilates from the book, which in this case is under the mattress, through the porous pores of the pillow, and directly through the Medula Oblangata, which we learned in class that it is that part of the heart that makes the hand think and write correct answers. This book is a physics book but it gives knowledge on every subject, Kiswahili, Music, art and Design, mathematics and even CRE. Buying the one book, will be like buying all the knowledge in the world.
Dad, this book has made the president of the United States, Bill Gates to invent cars, bicycles and even electrical bicycles that use petrol. It also made the pope of Iran become wise like King Solomon, who is a great angler in China. My point is that we need this book. We will be able to see things that other people cannot see. Luckily, for me, I managed to make acquaintance with one man who has the book. He is the current number one student in form four. He is selling the book for 30,000 shillings. However, because we are great friends, he has agreed that if u send 300 shillings by the end of the day tomorrow, I will have the book for keeps. Do not even think twice Dad. Just go and take the money under the pillow in mum’s bedroom and give it to Mr Makali. Wrap it in an envelope and do not tell him that there is money inside. If he discovers that we have encountered this book, he will try to snatch it from us. Do not also try to buy the so-called book from the local bookstores. Those guys are cheats. Big Cheats. Those are abbot books from china. They are not only expensive but very useless and complicated. Do not come to school because u will make the book to disappear. The money has to be given to me.
Lastly, I know that you are a good man and very clever. Do not be cheated by other people that I am cheating you. Bring that money and we will be number one. Salimia mum but usimuonyeshe hii barua. I will close by quoting what the great essayist, Wayne Rooney said, “You are my Man and I am your Man”. I love you people
Yours sincerely and loving you very much son
Amos

Kagure Njagi

Dear Cereal Thief,

How are you? I hope you’re well (fed). I am writing this letter to get something off my chest – something that has greatly puzzled me since the week before Christmas.
It was a bright Monday or possibly even Thursday morning and I had one thing on my mind – cereal. I remember happily trotting to the kitchen, my mouth salivating like a bell was ringing and I was one of Pavlov’s dogs. It was the kind of cereal with nuts, granola, corn flakes and most importantly, enough sugar to feed a family of four. Trot, trot, trot into the kitchen I gaily went, arriving at the fridge where I was sure to find my sugary treat. I scanned the line of boxes: Cornflakes, Rice Krispies, Raisin Bran, Fruit Loops, and Honey Nut Cheerios. End.
Sometimes my eyes play tricks.
Again: Cornflakes, Rice Krispies, Raisin Bran, Fruit Loops, and Honey Nut Cheerios. End.
Once the horror had subsided, the panic reduced to a manageable level of blood pressure and the shortness of breath passed, I convinced myself that it must have been a mistake – after all, I didn’t label the box. I proceeded to make myself a lowly piece of non-sugary toast on that bright sunny morning.

It has come to my attention that I was mistaken in assuming (and there lies the problem) that you had made a mistake and assumed (there lies that problem again) my box of cereal was your box of cereal as another box has ‘disappeared’. Like a house cat that marks its territory by spraying urine on walls, I now understand the value of labeling and placing one’s name on one’s possessions.
That having been said, I hope and pray that you will reveal yourself in the next three months seeing that when that time period expires I will evict the premises and move on to better things and better places and, goshdangnabbit – better ROOMMATES!

Your patient, secretly passive aggressive roommate,

Kagure.

 

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